A Place for Small Talk: Purposeful and Profitable for Evangelism

One of the characteristics of small talk is that it is . . . . well . . . it’s small. It lacks depth; it lacks distance. Small talk is content to remain at the superficial level. Last week, I confessed my displeasure with small talk and my desire to avoid it. If you read that article, then you realize that idle talk was left with a bad reputation, according to what I said. Allow me to explain quickly that part of my issue with small talk is how content people are there, never allowing the conversation to go deeper when someone tries to direct it to something more profound. Last week’s article was born out of that observation. Born out of that was the principle I wrote about in that article: what we say to someone comes at the cost of what we choose not to say.

Does that mean that there is never a place for small talk? Sometimes, less is more. Specific times may call for our conversation with others to be less deep and less personal. The issue for many of us is wisdom in knowing when to keep things lighter and when to direct the conversation to something more profound. Because our conversations are a means for directing people to the Lord, either in evangelism or in discipleship, it is critical that we steward our conversations in such a way to promote this, which means discerning between going deeper or not. Allow me to give you several thoughts that should act as a guide for you in doing just that.

There are times when small talk is appropriate. Grandparents will engage their toddler grandchildren at a level that is appropriate for them at that moment. If I just meet someone, the first question I ask is not going to be, "What sins do you need to repent of today?" There are simply times when it makes more sense to keep the conversation casual and light.

I can think of three times when small talk may be more prudent than more profound talk. These include:

• When Building Relationships
• When Laying Groundwork for Future Conversations
• When Preserving Future Opportunities to Speak for the Lord.

Notice something in common with each of those: they are all future-oriented. There may be times when speaking more intimately, and more deeply will hinder future opportunities of speaking the things of the Lord. In those cases, small talk may be more appropriate for a time.  For some, a fear of offense sometimes causes a person to rely too much on small talk. The result is that we use those reasons above as excuses to never go deep in our conversations.

The opposite extreme is to be so unconcerned about offense, that our insistence on deeper speech causes exasperates others. Many of us tend to find ourselves existing on one extreme or the other. But our ability to converse is a gift from the Lord, something then, to be stewarded for Him. So how do we work at not falling into a rut on one side of the road of conversation?

To help you avoid this, I propose two questions that you should ask yourself at every conversation:

• What am I missing by choosing to say what am I saying? Are you missing an opportunity to share the gospel? Are you avoiding a need to speak the truth? Consider not just what you are saying but what you may not be saying.
• What effect does this have on God’s glory?: Is what you are saying bringing honor to Him? Would you honor Him more in this conversation by talking more or less about heart matters at that moment?

I think the answer to these two will serve you well in determining the type of conversations to have at a given time.There is much that could be said on this topic, but I write from the conviction of needing to redeem our conversation for the Lord. What we say should be purposeful and profitable, used in such a way that honors the Lord. We use our conversations best, then, by using them for the Lord's purpose, which is to accomplish the Great Commission. So, does small talk have a role? It can because it helps cultivate opportunities for doing what the Lord has intended. Yet, I want to avoid making small talk the end goal.